Baked Goods and Half-Baked Ideas

I love baking. The idea of chemical reactions in a ceramic bowl, the precise measuring of powder ingredients like in a lab, the not so precise act of "tweaking," and the magic ability of heat to turn delicious dough into lodestones of human gratitude. I feel like the mad scientist researcher I always wanted to be-- but didn't want to be when I found out research meant waiting for nothing to happen then understanding why nothing happened, and, most terrifyingly, explaining to others why nothing happened. Bakers get (comparatively) instant gratification and work in much more enticing conditions. That is, in the lab I was never allowed to deeply inhale anything (without scientifically wafting) and I couldn't sneak tastes of any powders-- without reading the MSDS, of course!

With the quick approach of Christmas I've been preparing myself for the onslaught of mint chocolate chip cookies and snicker doodles-- last winter I literally made millions (read: hundreds) of cookies for my friends, self, family, and parents' work. I spent time tweaking my two recipes until I mastered them. I had no clue what the hell was happening at the molecular level, but considering I lost all my mental notes from last year, hopefully this video will help me...

Gotta love TED.

Putting the cookies on the backburner for a bit... I've been looking at graduate school programs. Currently I'm considering a Food Studies program and a Digital Media Design for Learning program at NYU. I'm torn because neither are something I'm particularly knowledgeable of, nor something my parents would consider "useful." Even though I wouldn't be asking my parents for tuition if I ever do attend, I feel that their ideal of usefulness is unfairly ingrained in my head and leaves me torn between what I find interesting vs. useful.

At 23, I still ask myself what I want to do in life. Strangely enough I think I'm more afraid now than when I was 18, not because I'm older, but because I forced myself to go after a degree I did not want to do, and I lived through those "consequences" the hard way. So looking at these very non-engineer/lawyer/doctor graduate programs surface the question, "is this what I want?" Right now I'm leaning toward yes. Clearly, I'm interested in food (did I just call myself fat?), and the videos I've posted lately have used graphic design to teach.

I can feel a tingle. I'm not entirely sure, but I'm starting to appreciate this blog for the reason I started it-- to show me what I want to do with this life.


PS. More cookie science from those textbook people here. 

A Status Quo of Learned Helplessness

Let's start with the word (or phrase) of the day:

sta-tus quo /steɪtəs kwoʊ/ noun:  the existing state or condition. literally, "the state in which."

The act of maintaining this lackluster Latin duo might be better understood with some just-as-invigorating American phrases:

"there's nothing you can do about it"
"it is what it is"
"whatever"
"meh"

I will be the first to admit that I have an affinity for anything sparkly or Latin, but I completely despise this phrase and its American counterparts. It oozes with the banality of cliches and the similar connotation of apathy and despair. Then again, maybe it's only this definition of stagnancy that makes me enraged. Maybe the magic of this phrase's Latin roots is found in its present contextual kingdom-- a.k.a. its own status quo?

According to Prof. Wikipedia, this word was birthed into political popularity during the 14th century via the phrase in statu quo res erant ante bellum-- "in the state in which things were before the war." Ante bellum, that is the invigorating magic that status quo beholds. Rich with classical Latin provocation, this extended phrase implies that the status quo can only be broken with action. Social movement is an example of disturbing the status quo on a large scale-- it is also the contextual kingdom where Latin is elevated to current events.

For entry-level activists such as myself, hearing "there's nothing you can do about it" makes my emotional blood boil. It's this attitude-- this bias for the status quo-- this... complacency that let's people (and ultimately, institutions) raise that glass ceiling. I hear you, sometimes the battle isn't worth the war, but it's heartbreaking what reasonable battles people let go: education, respect in the work place, the state of their neighborhood. The following is a typical "conversation" I have with my mother when I feel whiney about something

Me: it makes me angry.
Mom: why? it is what it is.
Me: what do you mean? it isn't what it is, we can speak up.
Mom: no, anak. you worry only about what you can change.
Me: you can change anything you want to! it's not illegal.
Mom: no, anak. let it go.

Why is our community attracted to the status quo? Am I guilty of it? I am awake at 4:00 a.m. writing about social movement to a sleeping audience. This is not exactly the activist lifestyle I have in mind: my internship has been draining me of emotional/ physical energy, this post has taken me hours to craft (half of which were spent on thesaurus.com), I've lost all my good vibrations, and I haven't been afraid to tell people. So, what's keeping me from quitting and going places?! Cue video from the 90's...

Learned helplessness is best described by youarenotsosmart.com/2009/11/11/learned-helplessness/

The Misconception: If you are in a bad situation, you will do whatever you can to excape it.
The Truth: If you feel like you aren't in control of your destiny, you will give up and accept whatever situation you are in. 

As Ms. Charisse Nixon says in the video, learned helplessness is a concept only used in academic research, yet completely applicable to our daily lives. Could it be? This luxury of complacency keeping me from quitting my job and pursuing my heart's delights is actually a psychological theory? Have I experienced failure comparable to this situation one too many times? Maybe I am being reasonable and my plans practical. Maybe I am smart, but I've trained myself perfectly to react helplessly and depressed. Maybe we are all capable of fighting for what we believe in-- but maybe... most likely, we have been whipped into thinking that all we're good for is the status quo.

A last thought... in Latin

a posse ad esse--  "from possibility to actuality."

Marathon to The Forefront of My Mind

I started this blog because I am in the middle of a quarter-life crisis. I'm "living" the life: interning at a top engineering company, working with fantastic people, getting credit for school, residing in the PNW, and banking a hefty paycheck. But several weeks ago I became seriously unhappy-- I never really loved my internship, but all of a sudden I realized that I couldn't see a sliver of engineering in my future. I don't want to be in a lab or sit in a cubicle. I don't want to crunch numbers or pore over lab reports! *Cue pounding of fists and buckets o' tears*

So I did what any person born in the 90's would do when they're stuck. I Google'd for answers. I tried different searches looking for relatable stories:

"engineer turned into graphic designer"
"engineer into activist"
"engineer who believes rolling in dough isn't living"

The gist is, I shook up that search button like it was a Magic 8 Ball. Then I found it. A genuine article. A woman who was going through what I was going through. I've been reading this every morning before work...

http://workawesome.com/career/the-importance-of-doing-what-you-love/

Stephanie Lewis is a chemist by degree and an artist by nature and, like many of us, she strolled down the path of practicality. "Wouldn't I make more money if I went into the sciences instead of being a starving artist?" In education there are the subjects we naturally gravitate towards and then there are ones we like because we're "good at it." With the magic of the human mind, being "good" at something is cooked into a career. You're good at math? You're an engineer. You're good at chemistry? You're a pharmacist. You're good at arguing? You're a lawyer. Set it and forget it!

The further you stroll down this path, the further your passions trail behind. You're ideas, thoughts, and priorities are all running the marathon of life. Everyday concerns (family, friends, health, etc.) tend to stick around the middle of the pack-- once in a while they'll push up to the front of your brain for attention or trip-- inciting a hiccup of stress. But for some of us Career or Education like to keep a steady pace up front. We dedicate a good chunk of our Body and Mind nurturing Career and Education, exhausting our energy before we get to the stragglers-- those Little Loves and Hidden Passions. Tired and forgotten, they chill and mosey at the back of your mind until Body and Mind realize they've been out of sight (out of mind?). Thus, Passion is rejuvenated and heads to the front. Hopefully, Passion ends up running with Career and Education-- preferably holding hands and skipping, but at the moment they're vying for The Forefront of my mind. My thoughts have been racing. I don't know how to put them back on track and it's exhausting my Mind and Body.

This blog isn't just for me. It's for others out there who Google answers for their future. It's for those who believe in doing what you love, but have fallen into the complacency of a steady career. I don't want to leave them with just one post preaching the importance of doing what you love-- I want to grab hold of that idea(l) and live by it. I hope that this documentation of my thinkings will help those I know get to know me on a more... thought-out level. Most of all, I hope this documentation will serve as the foundation for discussion amongst Me's and the rejuvenation of all our Passions and Careers.